


The Past That Once Was Ours

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: Cheating, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-13 12:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10513383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Inspired by Still Remembering by As It IsDisclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	

When would this end? The sleepless nights. The tossing and turning. The complete and total heartache. You weren’t sure how much longer you’d be able to take it; you felt heavy, weighed down to the point where you couldn’t breathe. It had been a week and a half since he’d told you that he was no longer in love with you; he’d met someone else. As you got up in the morning, grasping the sheets in between your fingers, you felt like something was missing. When you rubbed your fingers together, you realized what it was - his fingers.

\---

My heart’s as heavy, as these nights are long,  
And I curse these spaces between my fingers where for a time you belonged

\---

Who was this woman? You’d never before questioned your worth. Why were you doing it now? Maybe she was prettier, more intelligent - that would be a big thing for him. Despite the pain you were in, you couldn’t wish him badly. Honestly, you had no idea whether he’d physically cheated, emotionally cheated, both, or neither, before he broke it off. You hadn’t had the courage to ask. Instead, you just broke down, sobbing on the couch after he’d left. He seemed sad, like he didn’t want to hurt you, but he couldn’t live a lie anymore either. Hopefully, this new woman was worth it. You hoped he loved her. Because if he didn’t, then he’d broken your heart for no reason.

After close to two weeks of this never-ending heartache, you were sure you’d cried enough for the next ten years, but as you walked into the shower, your tears started to mix with water, until you couldn’t tell if you were still crying or not. Doing your best to move on was all you could do. But right now, you weren’t getting on.

\---

And you’ll find somebody new who’s worth your time,  
Someone whose words sound sweeter than mine  
I’ll hope to mend,  
Trying my best just to get by

\---

Six months of your life had been spent getting to know him. Loving him. Sleeping with him. Making yourself vulnerable to him. And now it was all for nothing. Did you want to remember the good times? Because there had been many - most of them as a matter of fact, but remembering hurt right now. Maybe forgetting would allow you to move on, but you didn’t want that either; the idea of forgetting him hurt even more than remembering how you’d ended. So for now, you were walking around life in a daze, a coma, in slow motion while the world sped around you. Should you remember or should you forget? You didn’t have an answer - and you hated it.

\---

Can you tell me what hurts more,  
Is it remembering, or forgetting  
The past that once was ours?  
Am I remembering, still remembering, or forgetting?

\---

Right now, you couldn’t force yourself to make a decision - whether to remember or forget, so as you got ready for work, his image plagued your mind. The soft tendrils of his hair floating over his shoulders, his eyes melting you as he stared into your soul, his lips upturned into the smallest and shyest of smiles…all of it made your heart clench. This was all still so fresh. Maybe over time, the image would change. Would your mind distort the images on its own? Would you force yourself to change it so that looking at him behind your eyes wouldn’t hurt so much? You didn’t know - and you really, really hated it. Uncertainty was a life-drainer.

\---

I’ve kept your portrait framed within my mind  
It remains untouched of new paints and brushes yet still it changed over time

\---

At this point in time, you didn’t think there was anything that could get rid of the hole in your chest. You wanted to curse him. Throw things. Break them. Like he’d broken your heart. But it felt wrong. That feeling felt foreign to you. So as much as you wanted to accept that feeling in and let it consume you, you decided against it. When he’d come to your door to tell you it was over, you’d clammed up, saying next to nothing until he left, at which point, you fell to the ground and sobbed for nearly two hours. You hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye. To tell him what he actually meant to you, so this was his farewell. Let him be with the woman he wanted. You’d wish for his happiness.

\---

When you left, not without warning or regrets  
Nothing would fill this hole in my chest  
Here’s your farewell,  
I wish you nothing but the best


End file.
